BONDFIRES

A movement to eradicate racism together

WORKING THROUGH BILL 168-My Story cont’d

“I truly believe that your sudden request for Supervision with me has a hidden agenda…”

It was difficult to think about next steps! I felt violated by my last encounter with my Supervisor and couldn’t imagine sitting through another experience with her…alone.

I decided to contact my Union representatives. After paying union dues for more than 4 years, I believed I would get some help.  I searched the building looking for the Union Stewart only to be told that she was away for a few days. So, I called the Union Head office. It seemed like I was on hold forever as I waited to be transferred to my Rep’s line. I was so disappointed to hear his voicemail that I didn’t sit through the whole message, just the part that he was away “indefinitely”. I hung up and immediately called back pressing zero this time to connect to a live person.  When the connection went through, I was quick to insist to speak with someone! Who was his back up person? What did she mean there was nobody assigned! When would they assign someone? Where is the office Supervisor! Good she was finally putting me through to somebody…the automated self-serve option. I left a brief, frustrated message and hung up. I felt anxious and alone.  I did the only thing I could think of and sent the following email to my Supervisor on May 6, 2011…

” Hi ____,

In regards to your email request for supervision on Monday May 9, 2011 at 10am, I am not emotionally ready to meet with you alone. I must admit that I’m struggling to understand how my efforts to support you, and our client has now turned into a “supervision issue”?  I’m left to conclude that even though I supported our client to his appointment, the real issue seems to be , that you did not like  how the goal was achieved and it feels like you are trying to hurt me, punish me and reprimand me and “couch” your intentions in the form of  “Supervision”. I do not trust this process. In fact, I believe this is a form of  Bullying and Harassment as set out in Bill 168. It is with great sadness that I feel it is necessary for me to take this matter further by presenting it to the Program Director.  I will conclude by saying again that I do not trust the process of meeting privately with you because I truly believe your sudden request for supervision with me has a hidden agenda that is directly related to the situation about me supporting our client on May 2, 2011. I’m very hurt emotionally and in my spirit about this matter…

I sent this email to my Supervisor and Cc’d her boss. I never would have imagined what came next…TO BE CONTINUED 

 

 

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13 thoughts on “WORKING THROUGH BILL 168-My Story cont’d

  1. Hello everyone. I am brand new to this site and may not be up to speed on everything but i just wanted to make a few comments. I am glad that there is a place where people, especially males can speak freely about bullying. Being a male myself it is good to have a place to talk. My experiance with bullying stems back to grade school in Kingston, ON, and then seemed to continue when I moved to Toronto. I have been pushed aroud, spit at, laughed at, threatend, and more. I could never understand how I ever brought this on myself in two different cities. I would love to understand how the bullying mind works. Bullying has effected me in ways such as being short-tempered at times, and having difficulty differentiating bullying from joking around. However, bullying has helped me in some ways as well. I believe it has led me to my present employment which is being a youtth worker. I have also realized that those bullies, where ever they are, may not even remember my name, so why should I remeber theirs. I will take certain things from it that I feel may be helpful in my life, but that is where it needs to end. Another thing I wanted to say was that I do not believe that all adult bullies come from privilege, altough I do recognize how that is a factor in many cases. I have seen cases of people that may not have had the brightest past that are trying to make up for that past. Maybe they felt that they were not strong enough or “mean” enough and feel if they are more determined and ruthless they will succeed. As angry as bullying has made me at times, I do feel that people can change. I was on facebook a little while ago and ended up talking to a person who bullied me in school. Somehow we ended talking for a while and joking around. This really seemed to help me move on in some ways. People can change, in order to accomplish this however, we as the bullied need to make sure that we are not changed nagativley by those who seek to change us.

    • Wow LB!

      Thank you very much for your story! I’m so glad to see a happy outcome for you!

      I agree that all adult bullies may not come from privilege however, sometimes money and privilege can buffer people and change the way they interact with and experince others. It is important for us to learn to respect and value ourselves and others. There is a lot of wonderful work being done to address Bullying when it is experience by children, unfortunately, there is very little that I can find to address adult bullying. If you run across anything of interest or that might help address adult bullying please, let us know.

      I hope you will continue to read and contribute to this site!

    • You are very brave for speaking up LB! You went through a lot and you seem to have weathered the storms without it getting to you. I have never been spit on but sometimes bullying can feel like it. My boss is a looser. He makes a lot of jokes about me. At first it didn’t really get to me but now I can see through it. He won’t change.

    • I like the comment made by LB and I love this blog!!!
      I have been following your story from the beginning and I was worried that you took a long break! It was refreshing to read a story like LB that had a good outcome. Unfortunately, in my experience that it very rare.
      I have not been bullied personally but, my father is going through something similar on his job. There is very little information available to support adult victims of bullying and harassment and especially males. This was a terrible Christmas for our family as we tried to support my father. He is being forced out of work and there is nobody to help him. We are trying to help him get a lawyer but it is very expensive and we can’t come up with enough money.
      I hope you will continue to tell your story! I hope more people like you will speak out! I hope there will be a good outcome for you!

  2. I agree! Most employers don’t care and don’t see their actions as hurtfull. I was emotionally abused by my boss for the CRIME of getting pregnant! She made my life HELL! I thought I was going crazy. I thought I was going to loose my baby from the stress. The Labour Board is useless and Labour laws don’t work. It took months for me to convince my union to help me and I finally I couldn’t take it anymore and I quit! I couldn’t even get EI.
    Thank you for raising awareness of this issue. I don’t know if it will really help but Blogs like this gives us a chance to speak out against this terrible CRIME!!!

    • I appreciate what Peter is saying. Experiencing bullying and harassment was painful enough, but now that I have a child (son) i’m more committed to understanding how it happends and trying to wipe it out! How can we expect our children to live violence and harassment free if we can’t? As this story is told I see that it was hard to be taken seriously and to get support. My union was of no use either and that is a big part of the problem. The legislation relies on unions and policies that are enforced by the people who are hurting us. How’s that helpful?

      • Hello Lydia,

        As you will see in my next Blog Post, it is very difficult to get help to address workplace violence!
        I agree that Bill 168 relies on agency policies, unions and the Labour Board to address the issues and often leaves the target of violence vaunerable, isolated and unprotected. There are also legal barriers and even though there is a duty to report workplace violence, collegues don’t speak up for fear of reprisal.
        At the end of My Story, I have some suggestions of what to do. I hope you will also include your suggestions to develop a way to address this issue.

  3. Im glad to see this site up and running and having a place to voice my journey as well as to provide some support to those going through similar experiences.

    Through my journey Ive also come to realize that bullying can become so innate to certain individuals that it is less specific and calculated but rather displayed in a bold and arrogant way. I think this comes from people of privelege who fail to see and acknowledge their employees as meaningful, helpful and respected individuals but rather as replaceable pawns in their evil twisted game.

    I look forward to sharing my journey soon so that others can see how emotionally and psychologically abusive work environemnts can become and maybe give someone else the strength to stand up, refuse to except it and produce change!

    • POWER!
      Unfortunately that’s what it comes down to! I think it goes beyond race and gender!

      • Hello Trevor! Welcome to BONDFIRES!POWER can become dangerous when it is misused!!! Have you experienced workplace violence, witnessed it or supported someone else who was a target of this form of abuse? We haven’t received many comments from males and would encourage you to continue to engage in dialogue and share your story and comments. Thank you for supporting this effort to raise awareness about workplace violence and work toward solutions to address it!

      • It took me a couple of reads to figure out your site. I want to comment about men and bullying. We don’t talk about it. That the problem!
        When I read about Mitchell Wilson the disabled boy who was bullied to death it makes me sick and angry! Like most bullies his killer will grow up to be a CEO and continue to bully. What message does that give to boys in our society? What does that say about us?
        Keep speaking up!

    • Welcome Moe! We look forward to reading your story! In the meantime, please continue to comment. You make a very strong point that this form of violence can be “bold and arrogant”. There are many forms of bullying, harassment and workplace violence. When I wrap up MY Story (hopefully next week), I will present more information about the various forms this type of abuse can take. Thank you very much for your contribution!

  4. Jane Doe on said:

    Hi Izzie, It’s this specific type of bullies who carefully choose their targets, timing, location and approach, they know the rules and how to break them. When left unaddressed a workplace bully can influence your rate of turnover, the general health of your workplace, productivity of staff, and poison the overall culture. Your action and those now involved can minimize bullying behaviors and its consequences! Stay strong and active and soon the deliberate sabotaging will reaps its fruit.

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